There’s a Ralph Waldo Emerson quote I love, “once you make a decision the universe conspires to make it happen.” I wholeheartedly believe this but I also believe the universe throws some bumps in along the way to be sure you really, really, *really* want it. There’s a gif from Community I also really love...
I rolled into 2019 feeling really good about my goals and my plans. Rather than a million resolutions that I had to track and manage and mark as failures or successes I chose an intention for the year, Commit. That’s it. To commit to my values, my work, my people, myself. Easy, right?
Four days into January I got hit with what I thought was a little cough that evolved into bronchitis and a sinus infection that knocked me out of commission for the better part of a week. It meant no running and no yoga, which I use to clear my head and feel strong. I was left feeling restless and foggy. My insurance company was behind on enrollments so I delayed going to the doctor as long as I could and finally paid out of pocket for a visit and my meds (don’t worry, it’s reimbursable). But my medicine leaves me feeling even foggier and more unfocused. Giving my body time to recover is hard, even being out of the house for a few hours at a time exhausts me. I’m sleeping 2-3 hours more a night than I usually do, which is good. I know it’s my body recovering but it’s hard to accept.
In the middle of recovering from that KC was hit with a winter storm and I lost power. LP and I camped out at my Gentleman Caller’s even though I was still recovering from the black lung and had concerns it was too soon for that. It was. More on that at another time.
It’s been a super shitty two weeks, like the kind of shitty that makes me want to curl up in bed and not come out but it’s 30* in my house so that’s not an option. There are a dozens of people who have offered to open their homes and their hearts to me (and LP) for warmth and support. The thing about hard stuff is it shows you who is there for you. I committed to strengthening my relationships with my people and they are very clearly showing up. I decided to make this year about commitment, and these bumps in the road feel like the universe saying, “hey, this is going to be hard, are you sure you want this?” And that’s the thing about the big stuff in life, it’s hard. We have to work for the big, important things. That is what makes them big and important. You don’t remember the easy things, you remember the first time you ride a bike, hold a headstand, quit a job to follow your passion. These are big, scary, hard moments and they take work. There are days you fall down and you have to decide how committed you are to the end goal. If you’re willing to get up.
I truly believe that the Universe does conspire to make things happen once we decide but I also believe there are bumps along the way. We have to commit over and over again. We have to get back in the game when we fall down. It’s easy to quit, it’s hard to stay the course. I know who I am and I know where I want to be. It’s hard and frustrating to feel like I’m being tested; like the universe is poking at me to see how committed I am, to see how strong I can be. Maybe the universe forgot... I kick ass at tests.
PS - I use the term ‘universe’ here because Emerson does, you can use God or Spirit or Flying Spaghetti Monster here interchangeably.