Happy 5th birthday, CreativeMornings!
And thank you.
Happy 5th birthday, CreativeMornings!
And thank you.
We’re almost halfway through my month long Live Local challenge and I have some thoughts. And because this is my blog I will share them with you.
I’m working on being more mindful with my money...because I teach yoga and own my own business but also, being more mindful with my money is part of my path to living more mindfully. I started really considering this shift when a business I enjoy posted they needed help to stay open. It’s one of those places I enjoy but don’t frequent for a million little excuses. In that one post the stark reality of what happens when we don’t support the businesses we enjoy hit me hard. I don’t want small businesses to go away. The number of chain restaurants and stores we have isn’t what determines the character of this city, the families who love what they do so much that they put it out for the world to experience are how I want my city defined.
The first time I watched TATBILB it was a Friday night and I was home alone. I had been dating someone at the time and we were getting to the point where things were going to either progress or fizzle out. I wasn’t sure which way they were leaning but I had that feeling in the pit of my stomach that I wasn’t going to like it. That Sunday he came over, we hung out, he left to go to the grocery store and would text me later. Except he didn’t. NBD, life gets busy. I shot him a text Monday night after my class. Nothing. Ok….that seems odd but he had an early flight the next day, it’s probably fine. But then there was nothing on Tuesday. On Wednesday. Thursday I gave in, I reach out again. No response. Ghosted.
With so many posts about the impact Anthony Bourdain and Kate Spade had on people’s lives, with discussion about how to best support each other I wanted to share my method with you. It’s just something I decided to do one day and it felt good, so I kept going. I want to foster connection. I want people to know that their efforts are noticed and matter. As Brene Brown says, "connection begets connection."
In case you haven’t noticed, I’m usually tired. I subsist on a steady diet of coffee and stress, but, because I’m fancy I only have the finest of both*. I spend a lot of my time in coffee shops to read, to write, to be around other humans so I don’t become a weird recluse. Each place serves a different purpose for me, and for you...here are my favorites...
We had joked about actually drinking it before but this time he was serious. And I had no idea what to do. Usually cracking open a bottle of wine on a Friday night isn’t even a question, especially when my guest brings a replacement bottle or two. This time I was freaking out and I didn’t know why.
At Blade & Timber you can throw axes, like a really lumberjacky version of bowling. Which is kind of awesome and kind of terrifying. When we arrived I had a smidge of a Bloody Mary buzz thanks to brunch with my mom. We found our lane and our axe coach started off teaching me how to throw an axe. We worked on my grip, how hard to throw, how to aim. I was pretty good at most things but my axe just wasn’t sticking in the target. My coach looked at me and said…
“You have commitment issues, don’t you? Commit. Throw it.”
The discussion started with the question, “what are women worth?” and the answers ranged from power, life, love, but the one that suck with me is that we are worth the fullest expression of ourselves, today, right now. We so often put off goals, ideas, efforts, activities, for when we’re a more ideal version of ourselves, when we lose ten pounds, when we have more time, when we think we’re more prepared rather than embracing that we can shape the world we want by embracing our inherent worth. Coming from a place of love and acceptance we make our future efforts more powerful, more impactful, more purposeful.
I know how to be a marketer. I’m figuring out how to be a yoga teacher, I’m figuring out how to connect a practice that feels deeply personal to the broader ways I share my life, and how to do it in a way that feels authentic without overly monetizing a thing I do for my actual income. I know there are others in the same position as I am. Yoga, a practice thousands of years old, deeply rooted in personal development and separation from the ego, has been pushed into the stark spotlight of personal promotion.
One of the coolest things about being an adult is that you can pay people to do a lot of stuff. If you’re willing to pay the money you can have someone clean your house, cook or deliver every meal, do your laundry, even wash/dry/style your hair. What you can’t pay someone to do is navigate life for you*. Believe me, if it was a job that existed, I would GLADLY pay for it.
There’s something about a fresh start, a new page, that fills me with hope and optimism. Each year I think this will be the one I get myself together. This year I’ll check off some of the big things that have been looming in my life. Every December 31st I look at the list and feel like I come up short. It’s disheartening and, often, it leads me to discredit the things I do accomplish or create during the year.
I canceled Christmas this year. Not for you, you can totally have Christmas, there isn’t Christmas at my house. I have a little Charlie Brown tree with a blue blanket as a skirt and a single red ornament thanks to my mom but other than that there is nary a sign of the holiday to be found in my home. This is incredibly unusual for me, I’m generally a tiny elf spreading Christmas cheer like it’s my job. This year, I’m not feeling it. At all.
He shows up with wine and flowers, we missed Valentine’s Day and he wanted to do something. It’s sweet, it eases my concerns. We hangout for a bit and then he says it.
“I wish your intuition wasn’t so good.”
And just like that everything gets fuzzy.
I think I went on 14 first dates in September, FOURTEEN FIRST DATES. That is a h*ck ton of energy. Some of them were great and lead to second dates, some of them were good but didn’t really go anywhere, I was ghosted twice* (one I was meh about, one I was moderately mopey about), one I’m not 100% sure what is happening to this day, and only two were straight up bad.
This morning in the midst of teaching a 5:45 am class I realized I have been reminding people of these things for ONE WHOLE YEAR. For 365 days actual humans have been paying actual American Dollars to learn yoga from me. Sometimes it still feels really weird that that is a thing. As you likely remember I love a good review/performance evaluation and while I do get them on the reg at the studio, nobody evaluates me like I do. Nobody. So....
Recently, becoming self-employed, an “indulgence” became something different. Rather than a $300 purse, an indulgence became a $4.25 latte more than once a week. When one of my favorite events, Indulge, came around this year I had to seriously think about if I should go. The ticket was $100, I’d have to sub out a class which decreases my income. I love indulge but was it worth the risk? Knowing how I felt following the inaugural event last year, I decided it was worth the risk, worth the splurge, I decided to make it work.
When you stop and then decide to start again things aren’t as easy. This applies to diet choices, yoga practices, running, dating, even getting your eyebrows waxed. Once you’re out of the habit getting back in is going to be rough.
There are the lines we choose to create, the lines that form as by products of other choices, and there are the ones that just show up. I’m figuring out how to navigate all of this, some lines are made to be crossed, some are going to get deeper, some I can get a good hydrating serum and buff out. But the lines, the balance, the flaws...they’re always going to exist.